The power of forgiveness

The road to growth and success is normally filled with failures or struggles. Sometimes in life, it’s hard to break through the next steps as it feels like something is holding you back. This can be a trauma or bad event which for some reason unfolds in your mind again, and again. Theses associated feeling of fear, anger or pain may be-able to be dissolved using the power of forgiveness.

We have all had some terrible event in our lives or had the scar from a person who did not treat us in the best manner. These moments can be the bottle neck and stop positive emotions flowing.

Forgiveness has been used in the human belief systems for thousands of years and shows up in almost every religion. Although you don’t need to be religious to forgive or be forgiven, it has become an important process for use when healing.

Bottled Up Emotions and holding grudges

The build-up of extreme pressure of dark emotions is completely unhealthy and can create broken bridges in relationships. Holding grudges eats away at you and creates hostile environments.

For you to move out of this place, it is vital to learn the art of forgiveness. Some hold an eye for eye and a tit for a tat. The power comes from the better person/s who can let go of this.

The power of forgiveness can go both ways and benefits the forgiven as much as the forgiver.

Can’t forget, try to forgive

Some events are just too traumatising to forget or wounds too deep to not feel. If you cannot let go of the memory, you can still forgive and have different attachment to it.

It may be impossible to forget, but you can always forgive. The power is in your hands and it is extremely strong. Digging deep to forgive could be the night or day difference with improving other factors of life.

This process of forgiving is not to justify the opposite party’s wrong doing, but to find peace within yourself releasing all that negative energy. You could use all the new positive energy to send to love ones or do better in life.

Forgiveness for good health

Holding fear and anger inside you for a long time can have severe implications on your mental and physical health. Emotional health can cause physical ailments that cannot be explained by your doctor. A common one is ‘Emotional Back Pain’ which is suffered by many.

Using the power of forgiveness to unblock emotional energy that’s locked in your system can have a real healing effect on your physical body.  The work of shamans, priests and gurus have known the power of breaking through emotions. This tool has been used for healing physical health for thousands years.

Forgiveness is one of the 8 positive emotions that ensure we stay connected with others and ourselves according to Harvard researcher George Valiant.  The other 7 emotions which are the key to living a fulfilling life should include love, compassion, joy, faith, awe, hope and gratitude.

My journey with forgiveness

I had many difficult events in my life, that out of nowhere, come into my mind, create a fierce anger and rage that would be difficult to pass. Even though meditation helped me, they would still haunt me from time to time.

One of these events happen when I was about 14 years old. I started at a new school, and out of nowhere, a boy almost double my size punched me in the face twice without any warning. I remember falling on the floor, tasting of blood in my mouth and feeling helpless at the time.

I would replay this event in my mind over many years and then think of plans of vengeance against this individual.

I was amazed how long this event stayed with me. Well up into my 30’s, this trauma would still come up time to time, haunting my mind and bringing me to a helpless and angry place.

This event was absorbing energy in my mind, body and soul and likely stopping me from doing better for the world.

When I discovered the power of forgiveness, I used it to change my attachment to this event and it has never caused any pain or anger again.

How to resolve internal conflict

You must remember that it’s all going on internal and only you have the power to release this internal conflict.

A brilliant exercise I came across was Tony Robbins – Hands on Heart exercises and resolving internal conflict. Listen to this audio of Tony on the Tim Ferriss Show where he runs through the process of changing your state and feelings towards this horrible event.

Forgiving tips

-Just say it – Are you feeling the grief of wrong doing. Next time you see that person, pull them a side and just say sorry. You’ll be surprised how the other person will react and even if it’s minor. The weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

-Stop feeling like the victim in the situation and try to transcend to a higher importance. This will enable you to make your move to forgiveness.

-Think of how valuable it would feel after for the forgiver and the forgiven. This will give you more motivation to move forward with action.

-The key to forgive a person/s that you absolutely hate is to change your emotional state before you do so. Remember doing this will help with your happiness and health levels, so it worth enduring.

Have you had healing results with forgiveness. We’d love you to share your thoughts below.

45 Comments on The power of forgiveness

  1. I completely agree with the power of forgiveness. You are right you cannot always forget even when offering forgiveness but it still lifts a heavyweight of burden. The hardest part is often forgiving those that are not even sorry or do not understand the impacts that their actions or words made in our lives. Even harder can be those times when you need to forgive yourself. Thank you for this inspiring message and gentle reminding lesson.

  2. I lost my wife 6 months ago to cancer. After 18 years, out of the blue. She lived only 5 months after struggling for 4 months to even be diagnosed.

    I have to forgive my self and I am still learning how. There is guilt from mistakes made in the marriage, but 18 years, we were both in it for the long haul.

    Everything in my life seems to hit me, and it all seems to be at the right time now. Hard to explain how I found your post. Truly grateful for your words.

    • My condolences Jared and Thanks for sharing your story. It seems the deeper wounds take deeper forgiveness and it’s great your taking the opportunity to forgive yourself. I wish the best for the future.

  3. This is the first time I heard about emotional back pain. I do have back pain and some unresolved conflicts with some people so could it be the source?
    Thanks for the post. It gave me something to pursue.

  4. Hello Vince
    Like you and most others I have been there too, I feel that it is harder to forgive someone when you see that person around among your other friends or relatives and that person does not care and still be mean to you. In that case saying sorry is like urghhh out of the question. In such a situation, I rather just avoid such people as hearing the word sorry or what you feel does not matter to them. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post.

  5. Hi Vince,
    Forgiveness….. so empowering. Often times easier said than done. Thanks for this post- I think a lot of people, myself included, need to be reminded/know about the power of forgiveness. Also, I think it is important that we also forgive ourselves – we can be our own worst critics at times. I want to do a meditation now after reading this post. Thanks for the share 🙂

    • Appreciate your feedback Andrea. We can be our own worst critics and I think it that awareness of how we think about ourselves which helps us to move forward.

  6. Forgiving someone whether it’s to their face or not has a profound effect on the one forgiver. It allows you to let go of negative emotions and move on with your life positively.

    I found walking around with bitterness and bad feelings only negatively impacted my life. It was pointless. Forgiving was the best thing I ever did!

  7. I appreciate you publishing this post. Forgiveness is a reaction that is in all of us but all of us do not use due to one’s instantly reacting instead of taking a step back and act as an adult in an educated manner.

  8. Forgiving people can be really hard. This is something I have had to work very hard at in my life. I can hold a grudge like nobody. My journey has lead me to quickly forgive and move on with my life. Life is too short to hang on to this stuff. I have learned that not everyone is out to get me, and not everyone does things just to piss me off. This has been a challenging, yet freeing part of my life. It’s really a giant relief to be able to forgive and move on. Thanks for sharing, just a fantastic reminder to me.

  9. Such a powerful message. I’ve been having some problems in my life with others at the current moment. This really helped to calm me and put my mind at ease. Thanks for the read.

  10. I am working through a divorce now vin and letting go of the past is a massive part of healing for me.
    I have started subscribing to a lot of the buddhist philosophies in life.
    There is a brilliant buddhist teacher here in Australia called Ajahn Brahm (he has lots of videos up on youtube if you are interested go to one called “Letting go”. The most powerful concept for me has been that the past and the future are both just as useful to you as your imagination. They are not reality. At most your past is your favourite neuropathways in your brain you like to replay. Brain is plastic & can be retrained.
    Shame is another big hurdle to over. But the breakthrough for me was when I was taught that shame is only as powerful as the receiver makes it. Don’t give the perpetrator the time of day and the shame doesn’t stick. There are some brilliant videos on this topic by John Bradshaw as well. He wrote a book about it called “Healing the Shame that binds you”.
    Good luck everyone and stay strong.

    • Thanks for sharing your story and some great resources Remy.
      It sounds like you’ve endured some tough times but are on the up.
      I have to checkout Ajahn But I think I’ve seen him on the telly once before.
      Appreciate your comments mate.

  11. Indeed, forgiveness is the key to moving forward. Often, we let our emotions direct our actions and in case of negative emotions, that is harmful. Negative emotions act like toxins in our body and stop us from moving forward. One needs to understand and embrace the emotions, take corrective steps and replace the negative emotions with positive ones. I have written about emotional wellness. Here is the link

  12. I certainly agree with this post. It is not healthy to hold a grudge. You need to move on with your life. I try to let go of grudges but it can take time.

    You are right when you say that you don’t forget but yes you can forgive. I have forgiven an old friend who turned on me when I was in school. It was eating away at me and so I do feel like I can put that part of my life behind me now.

  13. Forgiveness is one of the harder things in life. It is giving your mercy to those who deserve justice. Holding grudges creates a poisonous bond to whatever affliction you have received. It decays and grows hate within you. Forgiveness is the only thing that can truly set that free. Thank you for your post and your tips!!!

  14. It’s a very powerful resource in life to use the power of forgiveness. Your philosophy is inspiring and it’s wonderful that you are sharing your journey and tips with the world. I subscribed and will use this website as a resource to help me remain focused. Thank you!

  15. Hi Vince,

    Forgiveness is a such a big thing not only for the other person but to release yourself from the prison of unforgiveness, thanks for the post.

  16. I like how you remind us that forgiveness is an internal process because the agony is an internal process. We have all of the power to shift our outlook.

    I once read that resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. This is a related idea…thanks for an uplifting post!

  17. I think one thing I have learned about forgiving people is you can’t hold onto the bad things that people do to you in life. It’s just going to end up destroying you as life goes on.

  18. It is a difficult lesson to learn and it is sad when it comes at the expense of your well-being. Forgiveness is definitely the best road to travel, if not for the other person then for yourself. I really enjoyed this read.

    • Appreciate your feedback Wendy. I can be a difficult to learn these important life lessons but essential for a happy and healthy life.

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